I am very happy here in Spain. I wanted to start with that. I love living here and have had a fantastic time here in Madrid. I’ve had so many amazing adventures and met so many lovely friends.
That been said, it’s different than I thought it would be. First of all, I got glandular fever, or mononucleosis in the rest of the world, which was a little adventure in itself. Though I’m pretty ok now, apart from occasional tiredness, my first few months here were pretty difficult. I ended up spending a lot of my free time relaxing at home because I was so tired. Though I was social, it was limited and a big change from my life in Dublin. I suddenly had all this free time and as I was starting from scratch friends-wise, not a lot of people to spend it with. As I got better and as my friendships got stronger, I began to be more active socially.
That’s not to say my social life here in Madrid is similar to what I had in Dublin. Here I’m big on day trips or seeing something new in the city. I like to go for coffee or drinks, but am nearly always home before the last metro. In comparison, though I regularly went for coffees in Dublin, I would have socialised a lot on nights out or on the rugby pitch. Rugby was such a big part of my social life that I’ve really missed it this year. I had planned to play here, but with the glandular fever, that was not possible. I’ve enjoyed my break, it’s given me much more freedom with my time, but playing with a team really is a fantastic way to socialise.
As a result, I’ve gotten very used to being on my own. I’ve often embraced it, going travelling very happily on my own and most weekends spending a day chilling by myself. But it’s often enough that I realise I haven’t had a proper conversation with another person when I’m on my day off. Though I am very happy to do things on my own, there are times when you do want company, and often if my friends are busy, there’s no other option but to go solo.
I know I’m not alone feeling like this. I’ve talked to a number of my friends about this. The combination of moving to a new place and knowing no one along with the fact that due to our jobs we have a lot of time off during the week means lots of us struggle with spending so much time alone. Yes, we find great ways to spend this time – my blog in part came out of the need for a creative outlet, and I’ve really loved how much reading I’ve done this year – but it is a change. A lot of us are outgoing people who like to spend time with other people, so we crave human interaction.
So we reach out to other auxiliars (English language assistants), looking for common connections and fast friends. Sometimes we make friends with housemates that otherwise we wouldn’t spend time with. These are great temporary relationships, fab for a few months or a year, but it leaves us in a situation that we know there is an end date to the friendship. As much as I will be sad to leave some of my friends when I head home in July, there will be others I won’t mind leaving. There are others on the other side of the story too, who are staying in Spain but all their good friends are leaving to go home. This coming and going nature of being an auxiliar means that it can be great to meet new people, and not have to spend forever with those you’re not so keen on, but its also tiring to make new friends. Making new friends gets so much harder after college!
All these relationships hence feel so temporary, but what makes it harder is the difficulty of making friends with Spanish natives. Though I work at a fantastically inclusive school, which makes an effort to ensure myself and the other auxiliar, Cathy, feel like we are part of the community, there are few teachers I would call my friends. This comes from the fact that, very similar to the Irish, Spanish people are incredibly welcoming people, they are open and friendly and helpful. Yet, I’ve noticed in a lot of cases, this is as far as your friendship will go. It is very difficult to break past that first layer into a proper friendship. I find only really with those who have lived in abroad and been in the same boat as us (i.e. dealt with all of the above) have I formed a strong connection. The rest I enjoy spending time with, but I don’t really talk to them outside school or making plans for after work.
Also, due to our jobs as essentially English teachers, we meet a lot of Spaniards through English teaching or when we meet, they want to practise their English. This makes it hard to form a proper relationship (and to improve our Spanish). I think maybe joining a club or a class here would have helped me meet more Spaniards, but it still takes an awful lot of effort. I certainly thought it would be a lot easier!
I think what I’m trying to really say here is that making friends in a new country requires effort, especially if you’re just out of college where making friends is easy! Being in constant contact with my friends and family at home has been fantastic and made everything so much easier, but it has taken time and effort to get to the point of having good friends here. That being said, I have a fantastic new group of friends here, from work, from my flat and from meeting other auxiliars in the city. I’m so glad that I’ve been able to build these relationships, and there are many people I really want to keep in touch with when I head home. Now, the loneliness is not so present in my life, and though I still feel a little pathetic sometimes if I relax at home (happily) on a Saturday night, I’m pretty happy here. Sure I might as well enjoy it, I only have 1 month left!
From Meath to Madrid 